im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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