One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize