I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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