He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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