guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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