I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is wine microwaveable?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize