fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
