genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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