Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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