you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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