I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize