Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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