Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
