I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize