i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
