She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
