Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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