Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize