I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
