i can't believe i had my finger in that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
