Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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