Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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