Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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