I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
