So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Randomize
