it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
