When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
