im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
