just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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