We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
