Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
