everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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