I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
