he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
