did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
