I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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