I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize