Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
