She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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