I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize