sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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