I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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