Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
