dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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