We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
