WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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