Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
