i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
