When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A+ Viking dick
I need water and some morals
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
