I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
