i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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