yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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