i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
