You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
