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Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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