I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
