I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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