She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
