i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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