I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and she was petting her beer can
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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