20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
