I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
