just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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