dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize