Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
