My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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